


Let's save ourselves

by IWishIWasAwesome



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Fluff, Polyamory, Reunion, non-au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-06-10 08:45:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15287880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWishIWasAwesome/pseuds/IWishIWasAwesome
Summary: Luhan finds himself crying in the middle of EXO's dorm.-EXO reunion where the previous members remember all the great times they had together-





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me if you want me to continue uploading this fanfic, and send me some scenarios I could write about.
> 
> P.S I do not know much about Luhan's life as a solo artist, but this is what I made up for the sake of a story.

It's ten at night when EXO clamber into their managers black minivan and wait for him to return to drive them back home. Junmyeon slides into the front passenger seat and swivels so he's sat to the side to look at his exhausted members. Minseok's clinging onto Jongdae, who's already asleep which was clear he was going to as during practise, he couldn't even keep his eyes open. Baekhyun's resting his head against the window with his headphones in, and listening to some quiet music that no one else can hear. Kyungsoo's sat in the middle, mainly leaning on Chanyeol, who's patting the younger's forehead with a tissue to wipe away the sweat he had worked during the dancing. 

"Is everyone feeling alright?" Junmyeon asks, and Sehun barely managed to nod through his tired state .

"Do you have ibuprofen? I think Jongin's hurt his waist again." Sehun asks, trying his best to stay awake in order to help him member. 

A few of them start rifling through their bags to hopefully find a box of the small capsule shaped tablets. It was the norm to carry around stuff like that, and heat patches, but none of them had any anyways. 

"We can watch a film with some snacks when we get home. Just don't say anything to Manager-Nim."

There's a small series of happy cheering as Yixing passes his water bottle back and ibuprofen back to their second youngest, who smiles and thanks him, downing the two pills with lots of water. He winces and ends up grabbing Sehun's hand to somehow relieve the pain. Sehun reaches over and unclips Jongin's seatbelt and shuffles up so there's room for Jongin to lie down, but he can't even move. Yixing kneels on his seat, leaning over the back to hook his arms around most of Jongin's waist to haul him up. Sehun helps and feels his heart ache when Jongin yelps, but manages to lie down across the seats and use Sehun's lap and thighs as a pillow. 

"I like your thighs." Jongin mumbles absentmindedly, and Sehun blushes a beetroot red, making Chanyeol giggle. 

When they finally start moving, Baekhyun watches as the world moves around them, large building passing at a fast pace and other cars. He see's someone, he doesn't know who, but somehow, he does. The car is stopping right where they are standing. Their hood is up, and the smallest speck of pink hair makes him sit up so violently that it startles everyone in the van. 

"Baekhyun? What's up?" 

Baekhyun can't reply, because he recognises this person, their scarf, their eyes, but the van moves away before he can look or even say anything about them. 

"Nothing. Don't worry."

 

 

 

The night is freezing in the bustling, loud city of Seoul, the area surrounded by the noise of vehicles and songs playing from either street performers or bars and nightclubs. The river that cuts the city in half is lit up by various bridges and beautiful night boats. It's a large city, making the boy feels somewhat at home. He begins to hum along to a tune, but he can't put a name to it. He had just left the main street, the noise dying down a little as the wind picked up. Nobody really noticed him, as he looked just like another student, but he still felt awkward when minivans stopped next to him at red light. 

Lu Han pulls his leather jacket further towards his chest and zips it up to his neck, almost getting it caught on his ancient white scarf that's tightly wrapped under his chin. He can't recall who gave it to him. His lips and nose are covered by a thick mouth mask with a bears muzzle pattern on it that reminds him of a certain person. The bag on his back is beginning to ache his shoulders and he wonders how he really survived school, when he had a lot more books in his bag than this. When he pulls down his mouth mask to bite on his lollipop, small puffs of air are visible, showing how cold it really is. It would be even colder when he got over the river. He pulls his snapback further down his face, to protect his eyes from the wind that was a lot harsher one he was further away from the large buildings and city. 

Luhan had been in Seoul for around two days, mainly for business really, before he and his manager fell out. It was a large argument that had ended in his manager giving up on him and leaving Luhan on his own. He didn't know whether this meant he didn't have a manager or he just had to get back to China on his own. He wasn't used to travelling along, yet it would probably feel the same. The words his manager had said to him hurt more than he ever expected and watching him leave the hallway they were standing in pained him. Luhan stayed in the hallway for a little while, staring at the space where his manager was one stood, tears pooling in his eyes. He ran back to the hotel room and gathered his stuff, which wasn't a lot and fit in his backpack, before running away into the dark night. Which really wasn't so dark, as Seoul was full of city lights from clubs and advertisements. 

Somehow, he was glad he hadn't brought any of his dancers to Korea, otherwise they probably would've left him too. 

The boy sighed as he stepped onto Hangang bridge that crossed over Han River. A little to his left, he looked at the path that he, Minseok, Yixing and Chen had ridden their bikes on back in 2013 or 14, and it was 2018 now. Cars drove past as high speeds as he tears up at the memories, but continues to make his way over the bridge, stopping at the very middle to watch the boats move swiftly along the water. Luhan says that he's left the big city, but both sides of the bridge are surrounded by Seoul. He had left so many memories behind, and he was reliving every single one of them in vivid colour. Just looking down the river to the various bridges in the distance and the boats below made him want to scream. 

_"Who's gonna catch me when I fall?"_

Luhan almost falls over backwards as he jumps away from the edge of the railing. His own song had made his thoughts go down a different path. Nausea fights its way into his system as he sighs deeply. He had written this song whilst in a darker mindset and standing on a bridge surrounded by funny memoires made those thoughts louder. It's not often he gets like this.

Luhan didn't have the confidence to do anything to himself, especially hurting himself. It was something he could never dream of doing, yet his mind pushed him to the edge too many times.

Looking around him, Luhan realises that he's completely alone, and has been since he left EXO, since he left Korea altogether. He missed Chanyeol's laughter and Baekhyun's soft smile. He missed Kyungsoo singing in the middle of the night. He still missed Yifan's cool and city boy like features and helping Jongin learn the parts of the dance that he couldn't master. 

No one has ever been beside him or behind him to push him along the way, holding his hands. No one's ever been there to tell him he was doing okay. And he couldn't just hope he was doing okay, because that was never enough. His glassy doe eyes flutter shut, and he openly sobs aloud, now resting on the bridge railing. There's only one place he can think of going, and he prays he remembers the way. 

As he begins to walk, Luhan clutches his scarf to his mouth, muffling sobs and hiccups that escape involuntarily, despite his mouth mask helping a little bit. His steps feel heavy and he swears he can hear them, but probably not over the sound of the traffic. Sudden desperation makes him sprint, never minding the heavy bag full of musical notebooks and clothes weighing him down. He remembers the route perfectly, passing the fried chicken shop and two small 24-hour shops. He passes musical instrument shop that he used to stare into before someone pulled him away and a bakery. Three side streets and two left turns, another right turn and straight ahead. His footsteps now echo around him as he sprints down the back streets. His legs and feet were screaming at him to stop and rest, but he won't. 

He wonders how many times he's walked up and down this road, and wonder's if his friends have been where he was today. Luhan misses the minivan turning out of the road in front of him. Inside, was his EXO's manger, now leaving the group who had started to watch a film. 

He finally reaches the building he's looking for, punching in the code that he remembers so well, thankful that it hadn't ever changed, and that he didn't have to call the buzzer, and enters the building. The lobby remained indifferent, beige horrible sofa pressed against a full wall of mirrors like a dance studio, but nobody's there to greet him He doesn't even think about pressing the button for the elevator and decides to take the stairs. 

Ten flights of stairs to the ninth floor, 268 stairs exactly that took three minutes for him to run up. The railing hadn't changed colour, and was still broken, and the walls hadn't changed colour either. Luhan hears voices but turns to face no one. His minds making him hear things. Before knocking on the door he's face to face to, he pulls down his mouth mask, but doesn't bother wiping his eyes or anything. 

Two gently knocks. 

His knuckles barely tap the door. 

There's no answer for a few seconds, and Luhan only needs that long to realise that the people inside must be asleep, and lowers hi head in a feeling of pain, letting out a shuddering sob.

He had no idea where to go.

 

 

 

 

Sehun's fast asleep against Junmyeon, using the elder as a pile to keep him upright as he slept. Yixing is also sat on the floor beside him, and resting against Chanyeol's legs, once again reaching for the chip bowl as the film returns to another fight scene. Chanyeol and Jongdae are doing something on their phone, comparing results on a game and groaning when the other one wins. Baekhyun's somewhere else in the dorm, writing lyrics endlessly until he throws the book violently at the wall across the room, due to pure frustration, and exits the room. Unfortunately, Jongin had heard the noise from the sofa and managed to shuffle up the sofa before Baekhyun even gets in the room. The dancers legs are resting on the table as he tried to get his waist a little better. Falling into the sofa beside Jongin, the younger boy begins to massage the space between his shoulders. It had Baekhyun melting into the touch and sighing. He's already forgotten about the mess he's made on his own bed, as he had been sat on Kyungsoo's bed whilst writing. He often threw things when he got too frustrated, and he knew his lyric book was going to be one of them. 

Chanyeol quickly stands up and asks if anyone wants a drink, Kyungsoo asking for a coffee and whispering to Chanyeol to get Baekhyun some chocolate milk. Soon after, the rapper returns with the drinks, and Baekhyun smiles happily as the younger places the carton of flavoured milk into his hands. It's gone within minutes and so are the chips -mainly to Yixing - and no one in the group can deny that Baekhyun doesn't look cute with both hands wrapped around the small carton. 

There's quiet knock on the front door that they all almost miss, and Yixing is the first to get up, asking if someone can pause the film. Minseok reaches for the remote and presses the button. It's probably their manager, but then again, why would he come so late, and didn't he have a set of keys?

Instead, when he opens the door, he finds himself face to face with a shorter persons snapback hat, and almost instantly recognises the logo as his old friends RELOADED tour that he almost when to in China, but was forbidden to. 

With a quiet voice, Yixing asks. 

"Luhan Hyung?"

 

 

 

 

_"Who's gonna catch me when I fall? Are you?"_

 


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I do not know much about Luhan's solo career, but for the purpose of a story, it is like this.

As soon as Luhan looks up, Yixing's practically screaming, taking the elder into his long arms in the dorms front doorway, feeling the elder shaking beneath him violently. But Luhan can't keep on like this, trying to stay calm. It's been months, what could be years since he's felt physical contact of any kind, and bursts into hysterics the moment he's buried in Yixing's shoulder. Everyone inside the dorm had heard Yixing and the commotion, jumping up the moment they heard crying. Baekhyun was correct, he did know him from the minivan. The film was long forgotten about, Jongin absentmindedly flickering the TV off. Luhan slowly begins to loose himself in Yixing's arms. 

"He looks no different." Baekhyun whispers to anyone and nobody. He's right, Luhan hasn't changed. 

Without Luhan really understanding, someone's taking off his had and bag, dropping both to the floor before Yixing is carry him into the living room that smells the same as it did almost four years ago. Chanyeol had been the one that took his bag and hat, moving the two things into the living room just in case there's something in the heavy bag that was needed. The rapper looked to Kyungsoo, who's large eyes are filled with worry, and Baekhyun who's literally hiding behind Jongin on the sofa. Luhan vaguely feels his body being rocked back and forth on the floor, and someone' thick strawberry scent invading his nose, long with various other scents that he recognises, and could put someone's name to instantly. 

"Is he going to be okay?" Chanyeol asks Kyungsoo. 

"He's with Yixing and Junmyeon, I think he'll be okay. "

It takes what must be half and hour for Luhan's breathing to become regulated to a point, tears still falling, and he can feel nausea and sleepiness fighting each other inside of his body, bubbling just beneath his skin. EXO had never seen Luhan like this even before his debut years. It was slightly scary, and they were so glad Yixing was with them, and not in China filming something. Yixing doesn't stop rubbing invisible circles on the elder's stomach and constantly telling him to either 'calm down' or 'it's okay', both in Korean and Chinese. Luhan ends up giving into the bubbling nausea and feels it rising in his throat. 

Junmyeon is the only one who's sees Luhan gagging, and he yells at Kyungsoo to grab the bowl from under the sink that was there for this very purpose. Sehun had gone with him, Kyungsoo finding it and literally chucking it across the room for Sehun to catch. The younger dancer barely manages to put the bowl in Luhan's lap before the elder's stomach flips and he's vomiting. Thankfully, they had whipped off his scarf and facemask beforehand. Jongin had to run away and move into the kitchen, having a mild phobia of being sick, Sehun following afterwards to check on him, wrapping his arms round the elder and making sure his waist was okay, gently pressed his lips to the back of his neck where his hair was shaved to an end. 

"Are you okay Hyung?" The youngest member asks, whilst tapping Jongins bicep slowly to calm him. 

"'M fine, just make sure Lulu Hyung is okay." 

Sehun doesn't move immediately, because the smell of Jongin's chocolate and mint shampoo has him enticed. Without him actually realising, he's pressing more than one kiss into his neck, and Jongin's smiling. 

"Go help Luhan." 

 

Luhan's relying on Yixing and Junmyeon to keep him upright, his entire body is weak and slowly giving up on him, trying to force him to sleep. He's worked up a nasty sweat, and can fee; the beads of sweat rolling down his cheek and mixing with his salty tears. Luhan's never wanted to stay in someone's arms like this before, but now he's trying to stay forever. 

Baekhyun's stunned, and can't help but stare at Luhan. He had really wanted to see the elder lately, but wasn't expecting to see him like this He's shaking where he stands against the floor to ceiling balcony window, only moving when Kyungsoo takes his arms and slowly leads him away. He closes his eyes and relies on Kyungsoo to get him to wherever their going. Kyungsoo doesn't mind that he'd been sat on his bed, understand as to why. The elder suddenly lets his knees buckles the moment the bedroom door closes behind them, and all Baekhyun can whisper into Kyungsoo's chest is, 

"I want Luhan Hyung to feel better." 

Ever since Luhan and Kris left, Baekhyun was quite emotional over them, even more so after Tao left. He would sneak into the other members beds and curl up against them. Recently, he'd found, quite by accident, Yifan's Instagram account. He'd gotten overly upset about it, and had fallen asleep against Junmyeon chest with Minseok and Jongdae either side. 

Kyungsoo slowly brings them both to the floor, and they sit a comfortable silence. Luhan's sobs are only muffles behind the door behind their backs and Kyungsoo grabs his headphones, placing them on top of Baekhyun's head and letting their music flow through. Baekhyun will wait Kyungsoo goes back to the living room and will join him, hoping he can help someone. 

Everyone leaves Minseok, Junmyeon and Yixing to look after Luhan, who's hiccupping quietly whilst his head rests on Yixing's shoulder. It really does take another half hour after everyone's left to calm Luhan down truly. Almost an hour of crying and Luhan must be exhausted. Junmyeon checks he's alright before taking the bowl into the bathroom to wash it out, hesitant to leave. Minseok pushes him in the end. 

"Luhannie, can you hear me?" Minseok whispers, and gets a slow nod in return. Luhan's swollen eyes move to look up at him. Minseok wants to gasp and kiss away the pain. All of EXO do. His doe eyes haven't changed whatsoever, and Minseok ends up blinking away his own tears as his fingers intertwined with the youngers. Junmyeon returns, putting the now clean bowl on the floor in case they needed it again. 

"I got scared. My manager left and this was the only place I could think of. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Luhan's gets caught up in so many apologizes that he doesn't realise he's crying again. His Korean was still perfect, like he'd practicing every day. Yixing unconsciously tightened the hug. 

Minseok gently encases Luhan in a hug as well, suddenly, without them knowing, the entirety of EXO is listening as he sobs out a summary of his story after he left them. Just his broken voice makes them all emotional.

"I wrote songs in the middle of the night, when my mood was usually at it's lowest. I cried every night for years and years. I never wanted to leave, it wasn't my decision! No one is ever behind me except for my fans. I feel sick constantly and I can't live alone anymore." Luhan sobs. 

Chanyeol's the first to move, as him and the other member had regrouped in the living room, picking up Luhan like a child, and Luhan corresponds with wrapping his legs around the taller persons waist, and Jongin almost winces at the thought of him even trying to do that. Luhan and Chanyeol didn't have a perfect relationship when Luhan was in the band, but Chanyeol was the best for Koala hugs. Baekhyun had to walk away again, hoping one's looking, and ends up in the bathroom. He could never stand it when any of their members cried, because it made him feel useless. Maybe he would sneak into where Luhan was sleeping tonight.

There's knock on the door, and he ends up sitting with Kyungsoo one again on the bathroom floor, but this time Kyungsoo's holding Baekhyun's tighter than ever before, mainly to calm him down and to protect him from hurting himself or doing something stupid. He's already pocketed the elders phone to stop from throwing it, as he had a tendency to do so. Kyungsoo was often the one to stay with anyone who was upset, being strong enough to stop them from hurting themselves.

"Don't hurt yourself Hyung."

"Why? Why would someone argue with Luhan? Me and him are the same, we both fear rejection and loneliness. Kyungsoo, he's been alone for years. And every single time anything ever happens to a member it all ends up being about me and how to calm me down."  Baekhyun whisper yells, now on his knees in front of Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo's eyes are gently, and he soon cuddles closer to the elder. The tiles beneath them are freezing and Baekhyun is glad that Kyungsoo's warm and his jumper is providing some warmth. The vocalist let's Baekhyun falls asleep in his lap, carrying him back out of the bathroom to find everyone still re-gathered. 

"Hyung, would you ever talk to SM about... you know... coming back?" Minseok asks. 

"Would you hate me if I did?"

A series of 'no's echo around and Chanyeol laughs as he feels Luhan smiles against hi neck. It takes a few more minutes of hugging before Luhan is fast asleep against Chanyeol. HIs arms slips down from Chanyeol's shoulder to rest against Chan's chest, and the younger tightens his grip on the elder's legs, making sure he doesn't slip from his waist. 

"Someone should sleep with him. He's craving physical contact." 

"Let Baekhyun. He got upset in the bathroom. This boy felt guilty." Kyungsoo says. 

"I wish he wouldn't feel guilty. Getting upset because others are upset is normal." Junmyeon says.

 

 

Luhan feels like a child, Chanyeol thinks, his long arms smothering the Chinese boy, and feeling how light he was. He follows Junmyeon through to Baekhyun and Kyungsoo's room, where they place both sleeping boys on Baekhyun's bed. Yixing helps getting Luhan's leather jacket off and gasps at how thin he really is in a white jumper. Almost immediately after Luhan's relaxed again, Baekhyun curls up and presses his face into the crook of Luhan's neck. A sigh escapes one of the boys, and Junmyeon tucks the duvet around them, and in the dim light of the hallway, the boys slip into dream world. The group smile brightly when Luhan subconsciously wraps his arms around Baekhyun's waist and lets him snuggle closer.

Jongin stays on the sofa, his waist bugging him into tears and to the point where Sehun has to stay with him, sat on the coffee table and slowly getting the elder to sleep. It would be creepy to most people, but Sehun likes watching Jongin sleeping, as it assures him that's he actually sleeping. Instead of finding himself a comfortable place to sleep, Sehun slips onto the floor, still sitting up as he closes his eyes. 

Kyungsoo shuffles into his bed, and lets Chanyeol hug him from behind, the elder pressed against the wall. 

In the end, everyone except the youngest two is crammed into the room, most of the members on the floor. It was no secret between EXO that they really liked each other, and could easily spend the rest of their lives together. 

Maybe they would even be able to reunited with Tao and maybe Yifan. Yeah... Maybe.


	3. Three

_"I've been looking for a reason, to have you in my arms where you wanna be."_

 

 

Wu Yifan wakes himself up at around eleven in the morning, unsure of where he is for a few moments until his mind completely recognises the area. The large white painted bedroom was cold and the balcony windows were letting in so much light that he had to squint for the first minute and a half of being awake. He brings his knees up a little, pulling the duvet closer around him and groaning loudly. Yifan shakily breathes out, a breath he didn't realise he was holding, just the idea of getting up and facing another day taunting him. He rolls over a little, messing up his hair to grab his phone from the side table. 

When he checks Instagram, it's practically full of his fans asking why he was suddenly following Yixing, to which he had no reply. He finds a photo of Baekhyun on a balcony facing out towards the city with a sunset creating a silhouette. It's on Yixing's account, which he'd only been following for a few weeks, and he sighs heavily again. Not even thinking twice, he double taps and a heart appears on the photo. He can't explain what the feeling is when he looks through Yixing's Instagram. 

Finally, he gets up, letting his phone slip into the duvet as he stands up, stretching his arms high above his head until the bones in his spin crack. He looks around him as if someone's going to walk in at any moment, but he remembers he lives along....

Completely alone...

Yifan gets into the bathroom and washes his face, leaving some scrub on his face whilst he brushes his teeth. He avoids his own gaze in the mirror, looking everywhere but himself. The shower to his left and the toilet on his right, trying not to look straight ahead. Making sure he remembers to wash away the scrub, he wipes away the remaining water with a towel, grabbing his glasses off of the side before he leaves the bathroom. The door closes behind him, and Yifan leans on it, towel still handing on his shoulder. He slides it off his shoulders and drops it on the bed whilst he strips of his shirt, messing up his hair  _even_ further. 

His fans asked him why he grew his hair long again, like he had back in 2013, and he never answered. Truth is, he didn't know. Grabbing both his shirt and towel, he chucks them into the washing hamper in the corner of the room. When he opens his wardrobe, he's confronted with quite a few variation of clothes and he's overwhelmed. 

But shoved into a corner, is a blue item that he slightly recognises. He'll investigate that in a minute. 

Yifan decides to go with a grey jumper that's soft and made of a material that could make Yifan melt. He doesn't bother with a shirt and just slips it over his head and it falls into place by itself. The sleeves are slightly longer than his fingertips but he makes no movement to fold the long sleeves up. He opts for some black jeans and just shuffles into them, not making to much effort at all. He decides against wearing a belt, and starts to think of what he would be doing today. Not a lot. There was too much on his mind to begin wondering if there was anything he really needed to do. He's surprised the jumper doesn't itch at his skin, but instead makes him feel at home. 

But home was a long way away. 

Now that he was dressed, he steps away from the wardrobe, not closing the door as he was still deciding whether or not to investigate the blue item. He moves to face the body length mirror and runs a brush through his hair, taking a hairband and rolling it onto his wrist. He gathers some of his hair, letting the rest stay down, and opting for a half up half down look, keeping it all out of his face and eyes. His glasses area a little dirty. Now that he was dressed and clean, he ducks into the wardrobe and pulls the blue material out of the darkness. He almost knocks off a shoe box but catches it between his leg and the wall before it hits the floor. 

The blue material turns out to be a scarf and Yifan falls in love with it all over again. Someone gave it to him and he was unsure who until he looks at the end of it. 

_To Yifan,_

_Happy Birthday Ge!_

_Love from Jongdae!_

"Jongdae?" Yifan whispers. 

Yifan lets himself collapse to the floor, back against the wardrobe and leaning against the windows. Tears are suddenly pooling in his eyes and trickling down his face and dripping off his nose. Yifan drops his glasses to his side and suddenly the tears make his cheeks wet. He clutches the scarf against his nose to muffle the sobs escaping his lips. Only recently had he begun to miss the past, missing everything that made him happy. To this day, he felt like he ruined EXO. The scarf smells so familiar and he can't remember the last time he worse this. Yifan slowly looses himself in tears and falls asleep against the windows, as if he hadn't slept all night long. 

 

 

Yixing is the first to wake up, finding himself leaning on Kyungsoo's bed and Chanyeol's arm dangling down. Across the room, he meets eyes with Luhan, who's clearly unsure of where he is until he see's Yixing who's smiling brightly. 

"Hey... Are you hungry?" Yixing asks. 

"Yeah... um... Is it okay to eat with you guys." 

"Of course it is Lu! Come one!" Jongdae yells, grabbing Luhan like he would when they were in debut years and dragon him towards the kitchen with Minseok and Chanyeol in tow. Kyungsoo ends up staying tp wake up Baekhyun, who was still sleeping soundly.

He does this by stroking his hair until he moves down to the sides of the elder's stomach, beginning to wiggle his fingers until Baekhyun starts to squirm and giggle loudly. Kyungsoo suddenly screams as Baekhyun turns the tables and returns the action and he tries to roll away, accidently hitting his head on the corner of the bedside table and falling off the bed and onto the carpet with a loud thud. 

"Kyungsoo!" Baekhyun ends up yelling, clambering off the bed to check on the elder. 

Kyungsoo's cradling the back of his head and violently swats Baekhyun when he tried to help out. It makes Baekhyun feel useless again but he forces those thoughts into the very back of his head. 

"Go get Yixing." He says, and Baekhyun sprints out of the room. 

Yixing's setting a bowl of rise in front of both Luhan and Jongdae when Baekhyun runs in and calmly tells them that Kyungsoo just smashed his head on the table and Yixing goes to check on him. Sehun calls the elder singer over to help getting Jongin up, as his waist has seized up in the night. The younger dancer almost screams into Sehun's shoulder when both boys haul him up and he practically collapses on them. It's a struggle, but they manage to get him to the table. Thankfully, when both of the other boys return, there's no sign of blood and Kyungsoo is fine, trying to stop Baekhyun from apologizing profusely. Suho holds out Yixing's phone for everybody to see, and they all have to look at the notification. 

_Instagram_

_@Kriswu / Galaxy_Fan has liked your post_

"Kris? Should I message him?" Yixing asks, taking the phone to open up the app to check what post it was, "Baekhyun it was the post with you and the sunset last night."

"Ask him to send his phone number or something." Minseok suggests. 

"Okay, let me eat first." Yixing replies. 

"So... Can I say that I'm back with EXO or not?" Luhan whispers, avoiding eye contact with everyone. 

"We can go by SM today if you like? Sort out contracts and I can do all the talking." Junmyeon says, and Luhan looks straight up. 

"Yes please!"

They all eat in happiness, talking calmly and letting luhan explain all the things he'd done and actually explaining why he got really upset last night, mainly due to his own song lyrics. It was almost as if Luhan had never left, hearing him talk about Monster and KoKoBop, and how White Noise was his favourite song. That's where Baekhyun cuts in and says that he'd fallen asleep a few times to Catch Me When I Fall and Skin To Skin, making Luhan blush and ask if they liked his music, which of course they all did. 

"I liked Kris' July and Tao's Collateral Love." Chanyeol mentions the other two members and for once, the conversation doesn't get weird and no offended looks are thrown his way. 

"Maybe we could get Tao's number too?" Jongdae asks, shovelling rice into his mouth without missing a single grain. 

"I can do that." Jongin replies, doing the same as the elder. 

Yixing and Junmyeon then take the time to explain to Luhan how the group relationship worked, and Luhan understood, saying he loved the idea of a polyamourous relationship and wouldn't mind being in one, also saying how his team of dancers was a poly group. Sehun planted a kiss on his forehead in reply before sprinting to race Jongdae to the PS4. They both collided and ended up on the sofa, in hysterical laughter whilst Luhan and Junmyeon went to get changed. 

"Is it okay if I use the bathroom to get changed? It's just... I have a few cuts on my back." Luhan asks. 

"Are they healed or tended to?" Junmyeon asks whilst pulling a new black shirt over his head. 

"Not really healed, but kinda tended to. They were from my cat when my mom came round. She really didn't like my cats after that. She wants me to get rid of them but I can't." Luhan laughs, taking the time to strip his shirt and show the cuts. 

It was a lie, but Junmyeon didn't know that, and probably never would. Luhan couldn't bring himself to tell the truth. 

"Yeesh. They look okay, as in tended to." 

"They don't hurt." 

They both end up wearing black shirts and white ripped jeans. Both left the dorm with quick goodbyes and Luhan never felt more at home, which he ended up telling Junmyeon as they don their coats, mouth masks and hats. When Luhan turns to take one last look, Baekhyun's on the balcony, talking to Chanyeol who's dangling his arms over the balcony's glass wall. 

"It takes us forever to get him off the balcony. One of us always has to keep an eye on him." Junmyeon whispers sadly. 

"Which one?"

"Baekhyun." 

"I'm so happy to be back through." Luhan replied. 

"I'm happy that you're happy."

 

 

Yifan doesn't realise he's awake until his phone pings and vibrates against the floor, also vibrating his glasses a little. The window to his side is slightly layered with condensation from his breathing. In his reflection, he can make out that his eyes are bright red and swollen. He slides his glasses onto his face and the bedroom comes into focus and he checks what's going on with his phone. It reads something he's not exactly expecting. 

_Instagram_

_@zyxzjs has sent a message; Kris, send me your phone number_

He opens the app again and makes sure it's actually Yixing before sending the number. He doesn't bother saying hello or why the younger Chinese boy needs his number, because he's too upset to even bother or know why. Yifan keeps his scarf against his nose and keeps it close. When he looks at the time, it's on in the afternoon, and he still hasn't eaten, yet his stomach isn't screaming for him to eat. 

Suddenly, his phone rings and he almost chucks it across the room before swiping across and bringing it to his ear. 

_"Yifan."_

"Yixing?"

And then , Yifan says the words no one ever expects himself to say, also without knowing Yixing's phone is on speaker mode and the several around hi can hear. 

"Yixing I want to come home." 

 

 

_"Somebodies moet got you in the mood. Say you got a situation, tell that other guy to move."_


	4. Four

_"Yixing I want to come home."_

Hearing those words, Yixing presses a hand over his eyes to avoid bursting into tears, hearing Sehun already crying into Kyungsoo's and Jongin's embrace, and feels his tears evaporate the moment he hears Yifan sob. They'd never heard the elder cry before, and it physically hurts their hearts. Baekhyun takes the phone from Yixing, and whispers if Yifan is speaking Korean, to which the answer was yes. He makes sure to breath before he hears Yifan's voice and shudders the moment the deep voice hits his ears. 

"Hyung? It's Baekhyun." Baekhyun says into the phone slowly, everyone looking at him whilst he sits on the floor. 

" _Baekhyun... You looked pretty in the photo."_ Kris sobs over the phone and Baekhyun's calm demeanour practically shatters. 

"Thank you GeGe."

_"I really want to come home Baek... It hurts... It's been six years and I just want to come home."_

"Then come home. I'll get Chanyeol to stay up with me and we'll pick you up from the airport tonight."

_"Promise?"_

"I'd never lie to you Hyung." 

_"I'll... I'll text my landing time... Is... Is Luhan with you guys."_

"Yeah, but he's doing contracts talks at Sm as we speak."

_"I want to do the same... I want to be an EXO member again."_

 

 

When everyone's off their phones, and Junmyeon and Luhan are back, Baekhyun decides to lock himself in the bathroom. He just stands there for a while, not sure why he's in their or what he's doing, but he still doesn't leave. Baekhyun finally decides to turn on the shower, something he doesn't need to do as he showered yesterday, but still strips quickly before stepping under the warm rain like spray and sitting down on the floor. He's probably got it too hot, and it turns his back a bright red. The boy doesn't hear the door knock until someone's unlocked it using a key. They had to install a key lock in the end, after Jongin did something that they didn't want to speak about and Kyungsoo had to kick the door in to get to him. 

Sehun was scared when he didn't get an answer from the bathroom and walks into the kitchen to find the bathroom door key, without causing any suspicion. The youngest acts it off by grabbing a drink and downing it before saying he's going to play a game on his laptop, when he's really going to check as to why Baekhyun's been in the shower for almost half an hour. He does think about grabbing a large towel beforehand, and some soft clean pyjama's, even though it was midday. 

He finds Baekhyun sat in the shower, the room filled with steam that is a sign that the water was way to hot for him. 

"Hyung?" Sehun says and meets Baekhyun's eyes as the elder looks up. Sehun has done this enough times now and doesn't expect anything different. 

All Baekhyun found himself able to do was reach out for Sehun to pick him up. Sehun quickly reaches up and shuts off the water, leaning over a little more to open the window to try and sparse out the steam. After wrapping him up in a burrito, Sehun picks him up and cuddles him close, knowing that the elders wouldn't want to leave just yet. 

Even though Baek's perfectly capable to get changed by himself, he lets Sehun help him before he's sat on the toilet lid with Sehun stood in front of him, gently brushing his wet hair whilst the elder wraps his arms around his waist and hugs the younger. 

"Sehun... Can you go with Chanyeol instead of me tonight? I don't want Yifan to see me like this." 

"Of course. Are you still thinking of dying your hair grey?" Sehun asks, "Because i bought you some hair dye." 

Baekhyun gasps quietly and nuzzles into the youngers broad chest and smiles. 

"Can we do it now?"

"Sure. 

After half an hour of dying hair, leaning over sinks and having his hair washed and dried, Baekhyun's finally allowed to look up and into the mirror. He freezes for a minute and Sehun thinks he's done something wrong, until he finds the sparkle in Baekhyun's eyes. 

His hair is a beautiful grey, nothing like an aged grey, but almost white. Despite his pale skin, it makes his eyes stand out and Sehun giggles from behind him. Baekhyun lets the younger style his hair like he would usually have it, and Baekhyun turns around to hug Sehun tight. 

“Can you take my picture on the balcony again?” He asks.

Sehun grabs him suddenly, and fireman lifts him, Baekhyun screaming out with laughter and hitting his backside. Sehun carried him into the living room and everyone falls about laughing, and Luhan goes mental.

“You look awesome!” He yells and ruffles the youngers hair violently and making Baekhyun giggle.

The group watch in awe as Sehun takes various pictures from various angles. Sehun is quite good at photography but rarely uses his skills.

 

Yifan is sat in the large airport waiting area, thankful nobody had noticed him. His phone buzzes in his hands and he look down.

_Instagram_

_@oohsehun has posted for the first time in a while – swipe to view._

Yifan does as the notification tells him, and he almost instantly laughs aloud at the picture. It’s of Baekhyun, from a lower angle, the sun creating a halo around his head and little specks of white hair showing. The caption reads _Waiting for someone to come home, but for now @baekhyunee-exo_. Yifan feels his heart miss a beat that their waiting for him. He double taps and lets the app like the photo, and he begins to wait once again for his flight to be announced.

That’s when his phone calls.

Yifan doesn’t recognize the phone number, yet does at the same time, and he answers it.

“Hello?”

_“Gege? Yifan gege?”_

“Taozi?”

_“I got a call form Jongin ge, and he told me that Luhan and you were re-joining the band. I really want to, but then I told my dad that I wanted to go back to South Korea, he yelled at me, saying that if I joined EXO again he’d kill me. Gege I don’t think I can do it.. But I miss them so much.”_

It’s clear that Zitao is on a ramble, and is in a state because his voice cracks ever other word he’s saying and every time he breaths its shaky and interrupted by a sob. Yifan can only imagine that he’s sat on the floor, back pressed again the door with packed bags around him and red, puffy eyes that will only take a good nights sleep to get rid of. He remembers when he did that the first time, when Yifan was asked to go collect Zitao from his parents house, sneaking him out when his father told him he was not to go back to the band.

“Don’t listen to him. Come back to Korea. Come to the airport and buy your tickets here. The flight doesn’t leave for an hour so you should make it in time.”

_“Ok. Um. Yeah, I can get there. Just… Wait for me.”_

“ I will.”

 

About twenty minutes later, Zitao runs into the airport waiting area, and Yifan greets him with a strong hug and finds himself having to comfort. They are glad that there isn’t any fans around to see this, otherwise the internet would go crazy. Feeling himself is Yifan’s makes himself feel a little bit worse.

“I’m so sorry, for everything I’ve done Gege. I’m so sorry.” Tao sobs, and buries himself deep in Yifan’s shoulder, trying his hardest to get Yifan’s trust.

“Don’t day sorry Taozi, It’s the past now and it’s all okay.”

Suddenly, Yifan’s phone rings just as he’s beginning to walk through and onto the plane.

_“Hey Hyung. It’s Sehun. I just wanted to say that Baekhyun won’t be coming with Chanyeol, but I will.”_

“That’s okay, just tell everyone Tao is with me.”

 _“TAO? TAO! IS TAO OKAY?!”_ Sehun yells.

“I’m okay Sehunnie.”

 

Baekhyun leaves the room just after Sehun ended the call with Yifan and now Zitao. He sits on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands trying to collect his thoughts after the events of the last day. If Yifan were to see him right now, his leaderly instincts would kick and instist that something was wrong.

Baekhyun hated himself for all the reasons he could think of in the world. He had fallen in love years ago, with Yifan and Luhan, and over the past few weeks, Sehun had joined the goddamn group. He felt sick to the stomach when he seriously thoughts about it, wanted to do something bad to himself to rid of the thoughts. He was thankful for Sehun, who knew of his tendencies to want to hurt himself, and that’s why he came into the bathroom to try and make everything better. By the time he realised what he was doing, he had biting his forefinger nail until it began to bleed.

“Baekhyun? Can I come in please?” Luhan asks through the door.

“Sure.”

Luhan slowly tiptoes in, and places himself down beside Baekhyun on the bed, and taking his hand away from his mouth before he can do anymore harm to himself.

“Baekhyun, is Sehun going with Chanyeol instead of you?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to talk about it or just rest for a while?” Luhan asks, petting the youngers hair gently.

“Rest for a while.” Baekhyun agrees and carefully wraps his arms round Luhan’s small waist and nuzzling into his chest.

“Come on, let’s rest then.”

Sehun and Chanyeol are about to leave, but when they go to ask Baekhyun if he really doesn’t want to go, they find him resting on Luhan, the other asleep too. They decided to leave them be and tell Junmyeon to check on them. When Junmyeon asked where they were, Sehun said that Baekhyun didn’t want Yifan to see him, as he was in a but of a state.

 

Baekhyun did wake up about an hour before Yifan arrived, not knowing about Tao yet. Kyungsoo was in the kitchen and he tried to turn away from him, but that failed horrendously when he spun in the wrong place and smashed his face into the wall. He ended up on the floor staring at his hands that were speckled with blood. In a matter of seconds, Baekhyun had cried out and fallen into a headspace like a child, crying out for anyone to be there. They all knew that Baekhyun hated his age and loved to be like a child. Kyungsoo had fallen beside him to pull him into a hug to try and cease the tears, and Minseok had run in. It was clear that he had caused a nosebleed but he had hit his head incredibly hard on the wall. Kyungsoo was another one that Baekhyun loved with all his heart. Actually, it was his idea in the first place to be in a polyamorous relationship, and in his mind, he was telling them that he wanted Yifan, Tao and Luhan to be in this too.

After a while, Minseok had stopped the bleeding whilst Kyungsoo had stopped the tears. Baekhyun also had Chanyeol’s squishy stuff in his hands, not sure what it was as Kyungsoo had explained it as a piece of bread. What it was, was a memory foam piece of bread that was used as a stress reliever.

 

Sehun and Chanyeol return home, and Yixing and Luhan are there to greet them first, as Baekhyun had flinched and run away the moment the door unlocked. Yifan and Yixing hold each for however long, Tao is engulfed by Sehun and Jongin almost the second he gets into the door.

They all talk for around an hour, Yifan almost falling asleep before he asks something.

“Where’s Baekhyun?”

“He ran off the moment you guys arrived.” Jongdae says.

“He said he didn’t want Yifan to see him like this.” Sehun replies, “I’ll go look for him.”

“Let Yifan do it.” Junmyeon says, and the elder decides to get up and walk to go find him.

 

Yifan knocks on the door before entering Baekhyun’s bedroom. The younger is curled up on the bed, talking carefully to the teddy bear in his arms, stroking the bears fur.

“FanFan might not like me anymore. Taozi might not either.” He mumbles and curls up further.

“I want FanFan.” He whispers.

“I’m right here baby.”

Baekhyun shot up and looked straight at Yifan. God, how long has it been since these two have seen each other? Baekhyun remembered when Yixing was forced to interview Yifan on that Chinese TV show and Baekhyun wouldn’t speak to him for a week, because he got to see Yifan. Yifan leans down and picks up Baekhyun, the younger wrapping his entire body around him, and held him so close.

And in the moment it takes for Baekhyun to be engulfed by Kris’ hug, he forgets absolutely everything he hates about himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a chapter focused on Chanyeol and Baekhyun soon and Luhan and Kris will also have their own chapter.  
> Also, this is a very Baekhyun centered fic, but I do hold him close in my heart. I can't help it because I love him too much.


	5. Chapter Five

Zitao is the first one to wake up the following morning, to his phone blowing up with messages that he can barely see, due to the brightness of the screen and how his eyes were barely alive. He waits a few minutes for his eyes to adjust to six o'clock in the morning before returning back to his phone screen.

His heart stops and drops to the very pit of his stomach when he see's his fathers name above the seventeen missed calls and ten text messages. All of which he had ignored. He mumbles a few swear words under his breath that fade off into the morning sun. 

With shaky fingers, he types in his six-digit password and stares at the large number above the phone and speech bubble icon. When it finally click in his tired mind what he's done, he's sitting up and covering his mouth to force back both the bile and the sobs that had risen violently in the back of his throat. He'd gone against his fathers word, gotten on a plane and re-joined the band he promised he never would. 

But he wouldn't be Huang Zitao without EXO. 

Thankfully, the next person seemingly awake comes to check if he's awake too. 

 

Chanyeol had heard through the thin dorm walls, Zitao groaning and shuffling in his bed. After the phone call debacle of yesterday, Chanyeol and Jongdae had moved some stuff out of the spare room and they both changed the bed sheets. They got the room back to how it was before, and for once they were thankful that they hadn't moved dorm since the three left. 

Chanyeol got up upon hearing a third phone call ring out in the room next door, tugging a tie dye blue tank top over his head. Sehun is fast asleep on the other side of the room, and so Chanyeol let him rest, remembering how he and Zitao had stayed up quite late last night before. He tiptoed to where Luhan and Zitao were, and slowly opening the door with a quiet click as the handle was pressed all the way down, making sure he didn't step on anyone's suitcase. 

Zitao and Chanyeol both lay in bed for a small while, cramped together as both watches as more and more texts came through, each of them longer and most probably angrier than the last, but Zitao didn't read them as they came through. 

"Maybe you should open one of his voicemails?" Chanyeol suggests quietly, aware that Luhan was still snoring lightly next to them, arm over his eyes to block out the sunlight coming through the blinds above his head. It's like he hasn't slept for a few days. 

"I can't Chan... I can't face him all over again. I can't do this now, not now." Zitao whispers, voice slightly wavering over the Korean words that he still found hard to pronounce. Under his breath, Chanyeol is giggling at the mispronunciation, reminding him of old times and 'I can't express my potato.' 

"Then let me." Chanyeol says, shrugging lightly whilst pulling the duvet higher up his shoulder. 

"It'll be in Chinese. 

"Then yet Yifan. "Chanyeol smiles, Zitao laughing quietly. 

"Yeah, I'd let Yifan." Zitao replies, as another call comes through and makes the phone vibrate against the duvet. All Zitao wants to do is press the angry, bright red decline button but his fingers can't find a suitable purchase on the phone to do so. Chanyeol takes the phone from him, and bravely holds down the top button, and swipes across to turn the IPhone off when it tells him to. Zitao looks up sceptically, but neither of them utter a word, just snuggle closer until there is probably room in the single bed for another person. 

"Why don't we make breakfast?" Zitao whispers, but Chanyeol shakes his head, threading long fingers through Zitao's growing hair.

"That's Kyungsoo's deal today... He promised to make something special... You know... As we're twelve again." 

"I missed you guys, so much." Zitao's brace resolve breaks a little, closing his eyes with content as Chanyeol continued to run his fingers through the youngers hair. 

"We all missed you too, Taozi." 

 

Sehun had never panicked so back in his life.

He knew that Chanyeol had gotten up a little while ago, but Jongin hadn't come into the bedroom yet, like he did most mornings, even if his waist was hurting. But today, he hadn't. And so Sehun made himself get up and shimmied into some jeans, and shoved on the nearest shirt to him, which just so happened to be an old Rolling Stones shirt. It was probably Yixing's. 

He passed Kyungsoo in the hallway, smilling when the elder had told him his plans for breakfast. Pancakes, something they hadn't had in ages, and Sehun ends up leaning down so that Kyungsoo can whisper in his ear that he got syrup, whipped cream, ice cream and fruit to go with them. That makes Sehun a little happier. 

  
Sehun runs down the hall, opening the door to find Jongin missing from his bed, and Junmyeon barely awake. He looses the will to give a shit about anyone else asleep when he screams Jongin's name at the top of his lungs, eyes filling with scared tears. The whole dorm is then plunged into a thick silence, the radio in the kitchen being turned down and all conversation halting. 

  
But there's no reply.

  
Sehun almost goes insane when he finds that Jongin's bag is missing from it's spot from the front hallway. Of all people, Jongin and his stupid waist and ass had to be missing.

  
"Here." Jongdae says, shoving a phone into his hand that's already dialling Jongin. Sehun lightly thanks him as the remaining members file into the room one by one. Jongdae stays with his hand on Sehun's shoulder, as Jongin thankfully answers.

  
"Where the hell are you!" Sehun shouts, Kris face-palming from the doorway.

  
"I'm literally on the stairwell outside."  Jongin says. Everyone freezes for roughly ten seconds, until the keys are jangling in the door and Jongin walks into the room. 

 

"Why the hell were you yelling?" Asks Jongin, whilst kicking off his shoes, and continues to move until he realises everyone was staring at him. When he meets eyes with Sehun, he too, realises what's wrong, dropping his bag and stepping forward, pulling Sehun by the forearms into a hug, Sehun melting in his arms.

  
"I'm sorry... I didn't think coming to your room was such an important thing."

  
"You wake me up everyday like that." Sehun says slowly, finally calming down as he moves his chin to rest upon Jongin's shoulder. Junmyeon, who's stood behind them, smiles at the way Sehun's eyes are closed with content.

  
"I didn't scare you, did I?" He whispers, and Sehun nods slowly, the other beginning to move about around them now.

  
"I thought you'd gone.

  
The next words warm everyone's hearts, despite how they barely heard it.

  
"I'm sorry Sehun... I love you."

  
Whilst the rest of them begin to wake up, Kyungsoo and Jongdae begin to make enough batter for around twenty-four large pancakes. Jongdae's trusted on egg duty, cracking them and whisking them whilst Kyungsoo measures out the flour into the biggest bowl he could find, which still happened to be too small as well.

  
Jongdae twirls round and he wraps his arms around Kyungsoo's waist, and the younger is half expecting Jongdae to say something sensual.

  
Instead, Jongdae whispers 'we don't have enough eggs' into his ear.

  
Kyungsoo snorts and laughs loudly, filling up the dorm with laughter whilst he swats Jongdae violently with the clean spatula. He tells him that the cupboard above the fridge should have more eggs in. Jongdae looks up, and sighs before yelling.

  
"Someone get their tall ass in here."

  
And that's all it takes for Chanyeol to appear in the doorway.

  
"My assistance was needed." Chanyeol says, whilst Jongdae pouts and points to said cupboard like a small child who wanted candy.

  
"Can you get the eggs?"

  
Kris gets up the same time as Chanyeol does, but goes in a different direction, and heads towards the bathroom. There, he meets Junmyeon, as they both begin to brush their teeth. As Junmyeon was finished before him, he grabs a hairbrush and runs it through Kris' long hair. He remembered doing this a little while ago with Chanyeol, and Kris at point too.

  
"May I braid it?" Junmyeon barely says above a whisper, and Kris nods, handing him a hair band that was lying on the edge of the sink.

 

He doesn't remembering pulling his hair out yesterday, but must've left the band there. Whilst Junmyeon get's to work on Kris' hair, Baekhyun walks past, pulling his top over his head and grumbling about something. Kris catches him in the mirror before the younger is stepping round them to chuck his shirt into the hamper in the corner.

  
"What happened?" He asks, and Baekhyun smiles brightly.

  
"I spilt my drink on it. You can't blame me, Ji-young Hyung left for the military and I didn't know."

  
"You dropped coffee on yourself because G-Dragon's left?" Junmyeon giggles.

  
"Come one, you can't blame me!" Baekhyun shouts whilst going to get a new shirt.

  
Kris takes the hairband from Junmyeon and finishes up before their all called through to have breakfast.

 

"The manager wants us to show you guys some of the dances you missed." Minseok says, handing the sheet of paper over to Jongin, who reads over it.

  
"Oh my god, it was difficult to teach you guys Monster in the first place!" Jongin shouts.

  
"I'll take over this time." Yixing says, handing the rice over to Chanyeol who's been making grabby hands at the food all morning.

 

Luhan and Chanyeol take a minute or two to sit on the balcony, where they both lean against the glass railling and look down.

  
"What... You manager, he never... hit you, did he?" Chanyeol asks, incredibly hesitant about the words, but Luhan still manages to smile.

  
"Not once, no. The only thing he did was shout." Luhan replies.

  
"You hate people shouting Luhan, that's your equalivent of hitting." Chanyeol says, running his hands through his hair.

  
There's a thick silence once again between the two, only breathing and the city noises to be heard. 

 

"Baekhyun hated you. Hated you and Kris for weeks after you left. But then... he just... dropped. His mental state fucking plummeted and the only person he could stand to be near for a while was Yixing. Then Yixing had to go do all his things in China. He was convinced that Yixing was going to leave." Chanyeol speaks confidently again, catching Luhan's attention.

  
"We... our group relationship stabalized after that, becoming polyamourous. But.. It was always you and Kris he loved... then Yixing and Sehun." Chanyeol whispers.

  
"Then why is he in a relationship with all nine of you."

  
"Because he loves us too. But in our different ways. Sehun knows how to get him out of a burning hot shower whilst Kyungsoo nows what drink makes him warm inside. Luhan, Baekhyun is... in love with eleven people, but doesn't know how to be in love."

  
"Well, if he's happy, that's all he needs, right?"

  
"And happy is what I am."

  
Both boys spin round to find Baekhyun, leaning against the glass door leading into the living room, smiling brightly at them. His jeans are more ripped than anything else, and his shirt is old and worn out. There's no makeup on his face.  
"Come on, we got dance practise. And Sehun's called shot-gun."

 

In the car, Junmyeon plugs his phone into the radio, deciding on what song as Jongin leans over the seat, tapping Sehun on his shoulder to get him to get Junmyeon to take requests for songs. Without any of the group knowing, Sehun suggests a song, and suddenly Luhan's Football Gang is blaring through the speakers. The boy in question seems startled by his own song, but starts to sing along once Jongdae does.

  
Whilst he's singing, the rest of the group are dancing in their seats, and he can't help but laugh as some of them try and sing along, stumbling along the Chinese words. Chanyeol's belting out the words, trying his hardest to remember them before Yixing grabs his phone and shouts over the top of the music that Chanyeol was cheating and using an app to look up the lyrics, to which Luhan is scream-laughing about in the end. 

Luhan sighs when the song ends, changing to something in english, and he smiles as the others smile back at him.

  
"I need to get something off my chest." Kris says, as Junmyeon turns left, still driving as their manager was off today for some unbeknown reason.

  
"Go ahead." Minseok says, begin the eldest and apparently the only one with authrority in this van, or so Jongdae says.

  
"I'm sorry." Kris says, making ten heads whip round, and Junmyeon's eyes looking through the rear view mirror at him. 

 

"What for?" Jongin whispers, Sehun reaching over to turn the music way down.

  
"For leaving. For everything I've done to this group. I made everyone so happy, then so sad. I even made myself upset half of the time. It... was a mistake." He says, tearing up a little, having to look through the window to calm himself.

  
"You survived though." Baekhyun points out.

  
"But not all people do. I'm so angry at myself as well." Kris says, frustrated tears falling now.

  
"What for, leaving?" Zitao asks.

  
"No, for missing the funeral."

  
There's no mention of a name, but they understand as well.

  
"Jonghyun... He knew you loved him like a brother." Junmyeon says.

  
"But he didn't, that's the problem. I couldn't even go to the funeral because of the press and media. I wanted to, and my heart broke the moment the news spread." Kris says.

  
"But neither could Luhan or me. We couldn't go because of press." Zitao mumbles.

  
"Right, after practise, that's where we're going. To see Jonghyun."

  
Dance practise was... different.

  
Kris, Luhan, Tao and sometimes Yixing, sit on the side, watching as the other nine or eight danced. Then, it paused, and fell into Solo's. And the first one was Jongin's. Still with heaving breath, Sehun settles himself down next to Zitao.

  
"He's grown up." Zitao says, watching as Jongin changed into Kai, both the way his body moved and his eyes changed. It's like he forget they were all there, closing his eyes and moving in time with the music.

  
"He's fantastic." Sehun replies, as Kai did one of his spins.

  
And fell.

  
Sehun and Zitao are up in an instant, just like they did when back in 2015. They both ran over to him, helping him sit up and holding his hands so he can't throw punches at himself or the two boys currently holding him down. It's like nothing had changed, the three year gap hadn't done anything.

  
"I twisted my hip." Jongin mumbles angrily.

  
"That's because your a twat. Now go sit down." Zitao says, both all three of the maknae's hauling themselves up and it's Baekhyun's turn for solos.

  
In the end, they take the rest of the dance practise slot to teach the other four, KoKoBop. Yixing already, half, knew it, dancing along best he could with Sehun, who's continuing to dance whilst the rest of them are getting taught. Zitao catches on pretty quickly, like he always did, Kris and Luhan lagging behind.

  
"That's because Kris is a tall lanky bastard." Chanyeol yells.

  
"Well at least I can control my limbs, unlike you." Kris counteracts, and Chanyeol fakes a hurt expression, holding hand to his heart.

  
"Ouch." Chanyeol says.

  
Kris and Luhan finally catch on, going through the dance over and over again, stopping whenever they needed to use the bathroom or get a drink. A few times, they got Yixing to dance for them, the boy getting bloody fix out of dancing for his members, a permanent smile on his face.

 

Three hours later, and their stood in front of Jonghyun's grave.

  
Zitao freezes upon seeing it. This is the person who led him into Kpop, who practically made his life. Zitao is given flowers by Kyungsoo to put down, but he can't bring himself to do it. Kyungsoo holds his free hand, letting the taller one lean against him as his body feels weak. 

  
"I'll sit with you." Kyungsoo whispers when the other walk away to give them space. 

 

"Hi Jonghyun. It's been... a while. I'm so sorry I couldn't send you off, but I hope you're happier." Zitao whispers.

  
"I hope you understand how the sky has gained a star." Kyungsoo whispers too, a good person when it came to words.

  
"You were the greatest person we all knew. So for that, we thank you Jonghyun."

  
They spend around an hour there, talking, whilst sat around the grave. They don't talk about anything serious, simply talking about anything that came to their minds. Jongin had wondered off a little while back, carrying his own bouquet of flowers as he father was buried in the same place. He slowly kneels in front of it, quietly thanking his father for what he's done. Jongin lets the roses slip from his hands, gently apologizing to the headstone, whilst pushing off a stray leaf that had fallen there.

  
The last one stay is Sehun, lagging behind as he stares at the headstones, that reads JOnghyun's name, and birthday. Sehun's head drops as tears fill his eyes, and then he looks up, as if trying to find him. He wonder's what Minho is thinking, what Taemin does looking at all Jonghyun's books and lyric pages.

  
"Good night Jonghyun," He sobs at the words, "I hope you sleep alright."

 

 

_"Don't cry... I'm happier now."_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm late, but my goodness do I miss our angel Jonghyun. I can't believe it's already been a year. 
> 
> And so I dedicate this chapter to him, and angel lost but found his way home amongst the stars, watching over his fans like a guardian angel.   
> We love you Jonghyun


End file.
